The other day it struck me just how innocent Jack is, how naive he is to the world around him. The life of a four year old is very central to them and full of innocence and naivety – they only seem to think about their family, friends, school. They will occasionally ask questions, be inquisitive and often we as parents have to make those tough decisions whether to tell them the truth – or sugarcoat it a little.
This week Jack asked me about a family friend. This family friend is terminally ill and hasn’t got long left. Jack has heard whispered conversations between our family, our friends family and has asked where our friend is and why he hasn’t seen him in a while. How do you explain something like that to a four year old? You can’t, you’ll struggle to find the words. The same goes for my missed miscarriage last month. He knows Mummy was poorly, that her tummy hurt but he still doesn’t understand what happened – and the truth is I don’t want him to know the harsh truth. He does know that the baby isn’t there anymore but every now and again he does ask about the baby and even said, not long after, that he would go into my belly and make the baby better so both baby and Mummy were better. That innocence that children have, why are we so adamant to let them grow up so quick and face the harsh realities of the world around us?
That isn’t to say we need to wrap our children up in cotton wool, far from it – but why are people always striving to make their children more grown up than they are? I love Jack at this age but I miss him as a baby and that time flew by so quick, why would I want to wish anymore of his life away so quickly…whilst he is so innocent, so unaware of the atrocities being committed around us?
Why are people so quick to talk about children having ‘boyfriends’ and ‘girlfriends’? Jack has a friend who is a girl and everyone asks him if she’s his little girlfriend or asks her if he’s her boyfriend. Yes, myself and her mum will joke about ‘young love’ but we can both see it for what it is, a close friendship where the other friend just happens to be of the opposite gender. They hold hands, they cuddle, she even kissed him on the cheek the other day – which led to massive blushing and a big grin from Jack, plus a lot of boasting about it to Daddy – and we as parents have made a joke about them getting married in the past as both are adamant that they will be marrying each other but I’ve got people saying that a boy and a girl cannot just be friends, if they stay friends for many years it will eventually turn into something more.. Two things about this that irk me:
- THEY ARE FOUR YEARS OLD
- That means that realistically I should have had relationships with about five of my male friends who I’ve known for over 20 years. Guess what, it hasn’t happened!
Why are we so quick to push away the innocence and naivety of children nowadays? Why can’t we just let them be children? What do you think?
I think it’s lovely that you want to protect his innocence and naivety, after all you are only a child for such a small part of life, he will have his whole life for truths and real lives, why hurt him now with something he probably wouldn’t understand?
Just my thoughts anyway 🙂
Lyndsay x x
Thanks Lyndsay!
i agree with you. there seems to be a strange need in lots of adults to make children grow up as quickly as possible. it’s as if they see everything with ‘adult eyes’ and make things more adult than they are or need to be. this post reminded me of a post i wrote about why i wont be talking to my son about terrorism a few weeks back. (It’s here if you fancy a read: http://we3threeblog.com/2015/11/17/why-i-wont-be-talking-to-my-son-about-terrorism/.)
Thank you! I read your post – I completely understand!
The world is such a horrid place at the moment that I want my girls to be innocent as long as they can. I want them to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and Easter Bunny for as long as possible. x
Me too!
Sometimes I wish I could be that age again and be naive about things like that. It’s so cute that he just wanted to make you feel better after your miscarriage even if he didn’t quite know what was going on x
Thanks Rhian x
I think kids grow up far too quick these days. I’m all for leaving them to be innocent for as long as possible. Theres far too many bad things in the world! xxx
I agree x
So very sorry to hear about your loss. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. I think, at four, children understand a lot more than we let on. When speaking about death I think it’s important just to be open and honest. It shouldn’t be something hidden, I believe. It’s a part of life, but I agree it’s a difficult topic to speak of.
Thank you Elizabeth x
This was such an insightful post – thanks for sharing x
Thanks Rachel x
I’ve never understood the thing with referring to friends as boyfriends or girlfriends when children are young. Just let them be friends. They don’t need to be labeled! X
Exactly!
I am very sorry for your loss. How lovely that he said that. Kids are so innocent aren’t they. They grow up too quickly which is why we should just treat them like kids now. x
Thank you Beth x
To go back to the days where you saw things from the point of view of a 4 year old, It is sad we have to grow up to the harsh realities sometimes. x
It really is x
SO true, their innocence is lovely and beautiful. They’re only tiny for so long yet people strive to make their children as independent as possible at such a young age when all they want is their mummies. It’s heart breaking.
It really is, isn’t it?
I absolutely agree with you, parents should cherish each innocent moment with their kids, they grow up too quick 🙂
They do!
oh children are so sweet and when my daughter was younger she used to say I was her girl friend and my hubby is her boyfriend now she understands the words and is like uurggh
Exactly – them saying it is fine but when others say it…its odd!
It is very odd that from such a young age children are expected to be in a relationship, I always found it so weird to label young children like that. So lovely that he has such a dear friend like that. Let’s hope it blossoms into a life long friendship!
It really is odd! They are so close 🙂
I have 6 children and the youngest are ages 5,6,7 so I know exactly what you mean we sadly had a death in the family recently and I have sheltered them as much as I can but of course they know they will never see one of my best friends ever again and they keep asking me about heaven because they go to a church of England school they know a lot about GOD and keep asking why God took her
It is so tough to explain isn’t it?
I agree, children should not be sheltered but at the same time things like death is a bit hard to explain to a four year old and a concept that even we as adults find it difficult to come to terms with. As for relationships its true why do people assume just because you have a friend who is male you are going out? Even as adults it happens to, my best friend is a guy and people always think something is going on but it is strictly platonic.
I agree x
I also have a four year old and yes his life pretty much centers around us, school and play. While he has shown many emotions, to me he still is my little baby. I know one day I would have to tell him things that will be hard to say directly but for now, this innocence they have is one of the most beautiful things and should not be taken away from them.
So very true Donah x
Aww that sounds so difficult! So sorry about your miscarriage.
Thanks Emily x
This makes me think of my nephew who is almost 4 and whilst he is aware that people go to heaven when they die, I love that his view is so simplistic and almost peaceful of something which is so heartbreaking x
Oh, to be four again! So simple and such a beautiful way of thinking
Sorry about your loss. Sending you virtual hugs.
Thanks Stella x
It must be so hard to know what to say to a child when someone is terminally ill.
It is so difficult!
I I say let children be children and dont push them to grow too fast. I enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing. Angela x
Thanks Angela x
I totally agree with you. Societal pressure is all too quick to make kids grow up before their time. Let them revel in childhood innocence and magic as long as they can. There is precious little magic in the adult world
Thanks Tori x
My son is only 15 months and I found your post very interesting. To be honest, I am not sure how I would handle the question/situations you’ve mentioned myself so I need to think about that a bit more. But in general I agree with you about letting children be children and enjoy the magic and innocence that comes with being a newbie in this world.
Thank you x
What a beautifully honest post. You are so right, the innocence of childhood should be protected at all costs, we are a long time grown up and there really is no rush. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage, big hugs to you xx
Thanks Zena x
I think that nowadays children are under so much pressure to grow up 🙁 bless Jack, he is so adorable wanting to help his mum!
Thanks Emma, he really is x
Awww, Jack is so cute. I’m sorry abourt your miscarriage and the family friend’s terminal illness. This must be hard on all of you and it’s good in a way that Jck does’t fully understand.
Thank you Astrid, it has been very difficult. Our family friend is at peace now x
There is this strange societal pressure to have children grow up quickly and before their time. The innocence of childhood is so wonderful, there really shouldn’t be any rush to lose that! Let kids be kids 🙂 I’m also very sorry to read about your loss and the illness of your family friend. xx
Definitely, I agree x
Really sorry for your loss! It is hard to know what to tell them. I have a 4 year old daughter and I am honest with her but only tell her the minimum I can. x
Thanks Charlotte x
I’m so sorry for your loss and family friends illness 🙁
I agree people are quick to judge little ones these days, there seems to be little innocence around and children are growing so quickly now.
Innocence seems to be something people are keen to get rid of and I have no clue why! Such a shame x
Sorry to hear about your loss! I completely agree with this post, sometimes children are forced to grow up when they don’t really need to. I’m 18 now, so I’m still young myself. There’s been times where I’ve scrolled through social media and seen 10 year olds completely made up with full on hair and makeup, wearing glamorous dresses and ridiculous high heels, for a magazine cover. The other day I saw a 13 year old girl wearing a suit, high heels and had her hair and makeup done as if she was a Kardashian. I’m not sure who she was, but she was on the red carpet. Seeing this type of publicity on children, really upsets me (Not in a jealous way). Even seeing the little girls on ‘Honey Boo Boo’, I always tend to ask myself “Where’s their childhood?”. These children are put under so much pressure and just rushed into things at such an early age, they end up becoming attractive robots because they are so processed. I find it all so sad. So many kids are being brainwashed to think they need to be the best and they need to win every contest. The saddest thing to me is they are being trained to be materialistic and usually bitchy. I would love to see more girl grow up appreciating herself and knowing she’s worth something in this world, rather than being manipulated to frown down at other females. I’d love to live in a time where girls and women all around the world stick together and raise each other up, instead of the opposite.
Thank you so so much for your comment. Its a shame people want their kids to grow up so quickly 🙁