I am so glad to be able to welcome Shona onto my blog today – she is one of my best blogging friends and is one of the loveliest people I have ever met…please do pop over and say hi!
A big hello to all of Bex’s lovely followers, I hope you don’t mind me being here today and not Bex! I’m Shona from freshbeautyxox and I write a beauty and lifestyle blog. When Bex said I could guest post on her blog I had a topic in mind, not a topic I touch on my blog but seeing as this is a part mummy blog I thought I’d share my opinion on this topic. I just want to say before I begin that this is purely my opinion and I’m sorry if I offend anyone along the way!
Today I wanted to talk about the expectation that people seem to have of women. And this expectation is to have children. Now before you roll your eyes at me because I’m only 15, hear me out.
I personally think that nowadays there is this massive expectation of women to have children, to give their parents grandchildren and to generally settle down with a partner. I’ve already decided (and yes again, I am 15) that I’m not going to have children when I’m older and this has given me an insight into how people around me feel about this. A bit of background first, I should probably give you a reason to why I’ve decided this. I have a genetic connnective tissue disorder called Marfans Syndrome and also Scoliosis, the Marfans was passed down to me from my mother and the Scoliosis developed because of this syndrome. There is a 50/50 chance that I’ll pass this onto any children I have. I also don’t want any kind of IVF treatment or similar to remove the gene.
Some family members and family friends aren’t happy with my decision. I’m constantly being told that I’ll feel differently when I’m older and that when I meet the right person I’ll want to have kids. What if I don’t feel differently though? Will they respect that? This makes me think about the social expectation of women to have children. It is almost seen as weird for a woman not have any children during her lifetime, as if women only have one use.
Sometimes people don’t want to have children, sometimes there is medical reason and sometimes they might just not want to and that is OK. To me it seems OK anyway but to others why does this seem so unusual? Yes it is against the ‘norm’ but that doesn’t mean it is wrong. I’ve sometimes even heard people say that you are letting down your parents if you don’t have children. Surely if your parents love you they would respect your decision and support you?
Anyway! I’d love to know what you think about this topic, let me know in the comments!
A big thanks to Bex for letting me post on her blog- I have loved being here!
Thanks for reading,
Shona x
freshbeautyxox.blogspot.com
Shona, you are so much more wiser than your age! Personally, I completely agree. My families background is pretty strict Cypriot. A lot of things I do are looked down upon, such as my body modifications. And very often I am reminded that at my age, 24, I should be married and settled down with a few kids by now. I want children, of course, but when I am ready and I have the life I want. I hate how people pressure others to rush into such a massive thing. You should always do what is best for you and if you don't want to have children that is completely your decision to make. You're really inspiring Shona 🙂 xo
I like to think I'm a bit more mature than most people my age- haha 🙂 There is such a big thing nowadays about pleasing your parents, with comments like 'well what would your parents think/say?' being passed around. If you are an adult you can do what you want and I don't think people should ever do something to please their parents, I know it happens a lot with university, I know my dad wouldn't be happy if I decide not to go to uni in a few years.
Thank you Sophia, your last comment really made me smile xx
Shona this is a brilliant post and you're right in what you're saying, people don't understand you as a woman if you don't want children, telling you things like "you'll feel different in a few years," "wait until you've meet the right guy," etc etc. Which in some cases -may- happen. But in others they may not.
This doesn't make it wrong.
Your decision is medical and I can 100% understand why you've decided you don't want to have your own kids. Whether your decision would have been different if you didn't have Scoliosis is neither here nor there, you do have it and you decided that children aren't for you. Anyone who doesn't understand that needs to walk away from harassing you with "What if's" and think long and hard about their own lives.
I have had the "What if's" etc all my life, I decided when I was 8 years old I didn't want children. I'm in my 20's now, I still don't want children. I've been in head in heels in love and still thought "I love you, but I don't want your children!" (Not as harshly as that sounds) I just know children are not for me, yet still get people saying "You'll change your mind!" or "You MUST have at least one child, the world would fall apart if we didn't recreate!" – I think it's safe to say me not having a child won't make the world fall apart, especially when they're so many children out there parentless, why bring another into the world?!
Hopefully people will respect your choice in life and not harass you too much. 🙂
Juyey xx
Thank you lovely 🙂 People think that the world will end if the whole female population doesn't have kids, it gets on my nerves!
That's the other side of it, finding a partner that feels the same way as you, someone who doesn't want kids, it would be ok when you are young but as you get older, into your 30s, people will want to settle down and have children and I do wonder about how difficult it might be to find a partner.
xx
This is such a fantastic post, and I think that you've summed up what a lot of people were thinking 😀 It should be yours, and only your choice whether to have children and family and friends should not have any influence over this.
I am considering not having children in the future, I am still very much 50/50 but I would hope that if ever I made the decision not to have children that my family and friends would be 100% behind me in this decision.
People just have this expectation that every woman wants children and if they don', well there's something wrong with them, which is completely out of order.
I completely get why you don't want children, after living with a condition that has restricted aspects of your life and meant endless hospital visits it is more that reasonable that you don't want to pass this on 😀
I hope that people understand this! xx
beaumaquillagex.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you lovely :')
Exactly, people think that a woman isn't normal if she doesn't want kids!
thank you lovely xx
Very interesting post! There is a lot to be said about changing your mind as you get older( happened to me) but that should not be used to put down your decision though! You seem to have genuinely considered and weighed your decision , unlike a lot of girls your age who say it in an almost act of rebellion! I have come around to the decision to have children , and I would love to be a mother but may not be able to have them due to a medical condition.I do agree that women are pressured to a certain extent ( especially by some new mothers who will roll their eyes and say you are missing out, not all but some) however it is becoming more acceptable as children are being seen as children, not just a validation or extension of the parents. You have made the decision that you feel is right for you, and therefore is right. This decision however is not linked to who you are as a person , so never listen to people putting you down about it. You are you , regardless of having children or not . I can understand a parent being a bit down about not having grandchildren ,but it does not excuse treating the child differently for their decision! Sorry for the lengthy /muddled response but this really interested me! Best of luck to you xox
When you get married (yes I even has this on my wedding day) people always ask when you have having children. We agreed early on that we wanted a little time to enjoy being with each and being newlyweds. I never saw/see myself as the mothering type and now being 3 months pregnant it still feels very surreal that it is happening. I'm still glad I took the time to enjoy being with my husband before extending our family.