This is a guest post from my lovely friend Lucy who blogs over at The Parent Game. Her blog is one of my favourites – she can talk about all sorts of subjects and always keep the reader captivated. I particularly love her serious posts as she writes so well and so passionately about the topic. Enjoy.
I am not judgemental. I don’t say that lightly, I actually go out of my way to try really hard not to judge anyone. The reason for this is very simple, no one knows what another person is going through and how much effort they are making to project the image you see. That image might not be the one they are hoping for; they might be aiming for ‘confident, organised, together’, but it may come across as ‘loud, bossy, controlling’, as they try too hard to hide what’s really going on in their lives.
The point is, though, it’s easy to judge, but it’s much harder to think beyond the obvious and look past the behaviour or actions of a person to try to understand them. Don’t get me wrong, some people are just selfish, arrogant idiots. I’m not trying to create a world full of peace and understanding, unicorns and rainbows. It won’t happen, because there will always be thoughtless people who are happy to ride on the coat tails of kindly individuals and it’s important to recognise and deal with the selfish pillocks who take advantage.
However, those aren’t the people I’m talking about, as I actually think they are in the minority. I’m talking about the people who are often gossiped about at the school gates, the ones who maybe live their lives a bit differently in some way.
Perhaps they are sometimes late, park in the wrong place, don’t speak to anyone, or dress differently. Or the people who always seem to say the wrong thing, don’t seem to want to make friends, or come across as rude. Here’s a newsflash; maybe they are a bit shy. Perhaps it’s not you it’s them. Maybe they have got other things on their mind, or they feel that they don’t fit in.
How about if, when somebody doesn’t toe the socially accepted line, we wonder why for a little while? I know there are times in my life when I wish someone had seen through my exterior, and noticed when I needed someone to approach me, or just wanted to be understood.
What if they are late because they are struggling with an unseen medical condition, or parking badly because they don’t want to admit that they can’t walk very far? Maybe they don’t speak, not because they are being snobby, or because they don’t like you, but because they lack confidence and don’t want to be judged.
You can’t win them all, some people will be snobby, but I am happy living my life seeing the best in people, unless they prove me wrong and, if I can help them improve their situation, or just make some friends, by reaching out to them, that’s a bonus.
I do try and be open minded, and recently I have found myself judging more than normal so I gave myself a big kick up the backside!
Good for you! I could think of a few people who could do with being that proactive!
Sometimes I definitely need a kick to remember this – though I do try and stay impartial as much as I can.
It's so true – you never really know what other people are going through and we need to respect that and like you said we all actually have to try at this as it doesn't always come natural.
Laura x
This is so true! Unless someone is deliberately hurting you personally, why not just give them the benefit of the doubt? You never know what someone is going through!
Great post. I'm quick to judge, I always have been. I do try and take a back seat now and think of the what ifs. Sometimes it's hard though.