Collaborative Post
The end of a relationship is always hard, even more so when you have children together. However, children are more resilient than we often give them credit for and can bounce back if you handle the situation properly. By following a few simple steps, you can help your children deal with this life-changing scenario in the best way possible.
Break the news
It’s important that you choose the right time and place to break the news of your break up to your children. Having this talk in a familiar and comfortable environment, such as the family home, is the best idea. Not only will it allow you all the privacy to have the conversation, it’ll help make the children feel more safe and secure.
If you can, tell the children together. This will demonstrate that you’re both in agreement with the decision and should therefore ease any confusion. Avoid bad-mouthing your ex-partner or breaking into a shouting match with them. This not only goes for when you’re breaking the news to your kids, but also at any other time they’re in your presence. Studies show that exposing children to constant parental fights can be psychologically damaging.
Make a plan
You and your ex-partner need to have a careful discussion over any changes in living arrangements, as well as the daily and weekly needs of the children. You should try to set out a plan around the new scenario – for instance, determine who the children are going to live with and then work out a plan for when they see the other parent.
Try to remain civil with each other as best you can, even though emotions might be running high. Now is a good time to speak to a child custody lawyer who can give you professional advice about protecting your parental rights.
Reassure your children
It’s vital that you stress to your children that the break up is not their fault; that it has nothing whatsoever to do with anything they’ve done. Let them know that regardless of what’s happened, you both love them very much and that will never change. Also be ready to deal with any outbursts in a calm and understanding manner.
Children can react to emotional situations in a number of ways. Even if they appear to be coping fine, watch out for any subtle changes in behaviour. These could include them reverting to habits that they’ve previously grown out of, such as bed wetting, night terrors, or thumb sucking. If you’re concerned about your child’s behaviour, you might want to consider counselling for them.
Listen
Your children will likely have lots of questions and concerns and it’s essential that you listen carefully. Encourage them to express themselves and answer any questions as honestly and clearly as you can. Don’t interrupt while your children are talking and make sure you stay calm and composed. Allow them to express themselves – if they want to cry and shout, let them and be there to comfort them. Your children will be hurt and it’s your job as a parent to listen to them and help them realise that their feelings are valid.
Conclusion
The decision to end a relationship might be hard, especially when there are children involved, but sometimes it’s the best course of action. Children are more adaptable than we realise, but you still need to be careful with how you handle the break up. By putting on a united front with your ex-partner to break the news, setting out a straightforward plan, reassuring your children that you love them, and making the effort to listen to them, you will be helping them cope with this big change in the best way you can.