Dating After Loss

I cannot proclaim to be the expert on this topic as I am still with Steve after sixteen years but I know the topic can be such a sensitive one. Someone I know recently brought up the subject of my Mum dating again – she lost my Dad almost nine years ago after almost forty years together – and I must admit it isn’t something I had considered her even doing before now. I don’t even know if it is something she has considered. Her life is so busy with her work, caring for my grandparents and the odd time looking after my kids that I think that she would struggle to find the time.

However that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t if she wanted to – despite how weird it may possibly be for me, her child! There are many ways to find someone new, even if the dating doesn’t turn into anything long term and turns into a friendship or companionship instead. For widowed singles, there are plenty of avenues out there to meet someone new.

Dating after loss is never going to be easy – memories will always remain of your previous love and you will often get people judging you for how fast or how slow you have ‘moved on’. But who is to say that you have moved on? Why can’t it be that you have finally learnt to live with life is now and that you can’t put it on hold any longer, looking back at something that can never be again? Some people meet someone new within a couple of years, some after a bit longer, some never do at all. Who are we, or anyone, to judge how someone chooses to live their life – as long as no one is getting hurt in the process? Every bereaved person has their own personal grief journey and there is no set timeline to do anything that you do or don’t wish to do – there is no right or wrong time.

Photo by Joe Yates on Unsplash

After thinking about all of this, I’ve put together some tips that can make dating after loss that little bit easier.

1. Talk About Your Spouse

It is okay to talk about them – in fact, it would be weird not to. There is no point hiding your past, especially if this new friendship progresses into something more. You should be able to communicate openly with new partners and they should understand that your heart can hold enough space for the both of them.

2. Take Your Time

As I mentioned before, everyone has a different journey; they have their own timeline. Whilst I don’t think people ever stop grieving, I do believe some people can find it easier to deal with than others. Don’t feel pressured into jumping back into life too quickly but equally don’t feel guilty if you are able to continue forward with your life.

3. Be Sensitive To Others

Whilst I mentioned that you are in control of your own journey, I also feel it is important to mention that you should be sensitive to others when looking into dating after a big loss. If my mum wanted to date again, I’d be supportive even if I found it a little weird (after only ever having known her and my Dad together!) but I’d hope she would come and speak to me first as I’d hate to find out second hand. No one person can tell you how to live your life but it is important to communicate. However don’t feel guilty for wanting to take a step forward in life.

Dating after loss is always going to be a little tricky, perhaps a little overwhelming at first but people should be allowed to be happy and there should be no stigma for people wanting that.