I never made it my aim to lose tons of weight when I had Jack. Sure, it would have been nice to shed a few pounds and I did try but I soon gained them back as soon as I lost them. I’m considering taking steps in the not too distant future to lose weight again – my friend Em is hopefully becoming a Slimming World consultant in my village and I am hoping to help her out, fingers crossed she will give me some tips too.
But all too often recently I’ve heard that people have been asking my Mum if I am pregnant. Asking my mum, not me. As if they realise that I am probably not and don’t want to risk hurting my feelings by basically calling me fat. I know I’m bigger than I want to be, yes of course I do – but do I need reminding every five seconds. No, I don’t.
I think the reason why it is bothering me so much is because we are now actively trying for another baby and have been constantly disappointed since we started. Even today I’ve had to deal with the disappointment of finding out I’m not even though I really felt as if I was. When we weren’t trying, it was easy to joke around, easy to say ‘Oh no, I’m just fat – haven’t lost the baby weight from Jack yet!’. Of course – he is now three years old and although I have had times over those three and a bit years where I’ve gone back to my pre pregnancy weight, it soon creeps up again. I’ve put on loads since working from home as it is far too easy to sneak into the kitchen for a cheeky little snack – and get tied to my computer rather than out exercising. It is part laziness and part lack of willpower, I know. But when you are trying so hard to get pregnant and failing and then having people constantly ask if you are – it’s grating. I wish that I was.
I’ve seen my doctor and she’s tried to quell my worries saying that sometimes these things take time. But I’ve had a few friends now who’ve all started trying roughly the same time as me tell me they are expecting privately or have announced it to the big wide world. I fell pregnant so easily with Jack when I wasn’t trying – why should it be any different now?
I know I am probably being quite silly and any other time, me being me I would laugh it off. But right now when it just isn’t happening for us, those comments really aren’t helping.
I guess I could try IVF if it became necessary. That would be a little different from my first pregnancy. It’s incredible that we live in a time when such things are possible, but it would also be a big step. I’d need to talk to the doctors about what to expect and how it all works.
What silly little comments get to you?
I really hope you get good news some time soon, I am sure it is very frustrating and upsetting trying and not getting anywhere. Enjoy Jack and take it a day at a time. It is very insensitive for people to be commenting on your weight, especially when they wont make those ‘is she pregnant’ comments directly to you. Try your best to ignore them (I know it is easier said than done) and remain positive.
Irma xo
Thanks Irma, I appreciate your comment 🙂 x
Oh, yes, this. Also, my child is now eight, and I’m divorced from his dad. Trying now, at my age (fast approaching 40) with my new husband (who hasn’t any children, so who knows if it’s even possible for him?)… it hasn’t happened yet, and because I’m a big girl I get the occasional “ooh when are you due?” comments from people who mistake my wobbly belly for a baby bump… it hurts. You have my sympathies. xx
Thank you, it is so frustrating isn’t it? People just seem to expect you to automatically get pregnant and any podge is suddenly a baby. Can be so hurtful x
I have had people ask if I was pregnant when I wasn’t….I’m just fat and happy with it. I just laugh it off but I understand why you can’t it must really hurt…Sending big hugs! I hope you get some good news soon…. x
Thanks Kim x
A customer in my shop said to me once, ooo you’ve had the baby then – I pointed out to her in a blunt way that I was not pregnant just fat. Ha ha! I know exactly how you feel 🙂
Can be tough!
It’s so hard to lose weight after a baby isn’t it? I think part of the issue is that you can be so tired you don’t have the mental capacity to make the right food choices and another is there is just not the time. I’ve been on a yoyo since I have birth and have decided to get out of my rut I’m going to blog about it so I have something to be accountable for. As for people asking your mum if your pregnant, that’s just rude. Even if you were, if you hadn’t told them then you wouldn’t want them to know so asking your mum is just wrong. Don’t worry about them, focus on being healthy for your child and good luck with trying to conceive! You already have one miracle, may you be graced with another one. K x
This, totally this. Thank you so much for your kind comment x
I hope that you get some good news soon. Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you.
I am bigger now than I have ever been but finding motivation is hard, and it’s so easy to snack when the kitchen is so close!
Thanks Jenni x
FIngers crossed for you. I get asked that too a lot. In fact my best friend’s three year old asked me if I had a baby in my tummy this week
Thanks Jen! Oh no, what did you say?
I can understand why you would feel sensitive about these comments at this time in your life. Try not to let them bother you too much. Wishing you the best of luck with your quest for another child. I have known several couples who took six months or so to get pregnant second time round after falling pregnant so quickly with their first child. It did happen for them so keep going, I’m sure it will happen for you too. xx
Thank you x
Sometimes silly comments do get to us, especially if we are feeling sensitive. I hope that things look up for you and you have some lovely news to announce soon x
Thanks Nadine x
My son is 16 and I never lost the baby weight :v but in all seriousness, I know when he was a few months old, someone asked if I was pregnant again, and I remember saying “no, I’m just fat” and it really getting to me.
A life time of comments towards me about my weight hurts me, even ones said years and even decades ago at school.
Good luck with trying for another baby xx
Thanks Michelle <3 x
Aww Bex, I have the biggest mum tum going, I know I only gave birth 14 weeks ago but I fear it’s here to stay. Tell your Mum to tell them it’s none of their business! You carried a child in your tummy and that’s the most amazing thing XX
She does tell them that lol xx
I really hope you get the good news soon Hun. I hate it when people speak behind each other’s back so pathetic. Try and ignore their rudeness and focus on you. Sending hugs and positive baby making thoughts xxx
Thanks Jen xx
I am hardly ever bothered by what other people say but it is simply due to the fact that I don’t care what they think.
If they would be my family or close friends, then yes I have few touchy spots and I know that sometimes something what might seem like an innocent comment can hurt like hell.
I hope your luck with change soon and you will be blessed with a real bump again.
Thanks Agata!
Aw Bex, I hope you have the news you are after soon. Just remember you are so lucky with Jack and if it doesn’t happen again for you, you will always have him to fill your life with happiness.
Thanks so much for the kind comment Erika, it means a lot xx
It’s horrid when people assume and ask questions behind your back – but try not to let it get to you. Enjoy it and don’t put so much pressure on yourself for it to happen now. x
I’m trying not to but its hard <3 Thanks lovely x
Why do people think they have a right to comment on other people’s size or anything else for that matter. I really hope you get some good news soon. It’s so frustrating when you want something to happen. Slimming world is a great way to lose weight and encourage good behaviour with food. I’m always battling my weight, but 2 things have really helped me recently. Give up coffee, and drink water, and add lemon. It will help you feel full. Really, it does 🙂
I don’t drink coffee but do drink soft drinks – going to try that x
How frustrating, people should keep their comments to themselves too, they probably just want to get excited for you x I suffered from unexplained secondary infertility but it happened in the end x
Glad it happened in the end for you 🙂
I think some do, others just like any little bit of gossip they can find – when they found out I wasn’t pregnant, they started another rumour! Village life unfortunately x
I am the only one in my circle of friends without children and I often feel left out of things because it isnt a subject I can get involved with x
Aww 🙁 <3 It can be tough x
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with these comments, I can’t believe people would come out with that! Good luck with everything xx
Thanks Fritha!
I’ve had that before and it’s no fun 🙁 Try to ignore it, though I know that’s easier said than done x
I’m definitely trying – asked my mum to no longer tell me, they aren’t worth my time or effort.x
Oh gosh I’m so sorry you’re getting these comments. Fingers crossed you get some good news soon. I remember after I had POD someone asking when she was due! People just don’t think sometimes. Try not to let it get to you 🙂
Thanks Charly, I’ll try not to xx
I am in exactly the same boat as you. I look in the mirror and it looks 5 months! And we are trying, so it is all a little upsetting. I hope it works out for you soon, hun x
Thanks Vai, you too xx
Try not to let the insensitive comments get to you. I know that it’s easier said than done. These things happen in their own time, but in the mean time just keep positive and happy x
Thanks Laura x
I actually asked someone when she was due, she had a huge baby belly and I never even considered for one second she may not be. I was mortified, she actually has a medical condition, problems with her liver which has made her belly swollen. I would NEVER ask someone again! I can imagine how frustrating it is for you…. my belly is much too big for my frame too if it’s any consolation! 😉 I’ve tried situps but it doesn’t shift! Think certain foods make it worse, like bread etc….. Anyway best of luck with the baby trying… it will definitely happen soon xx
When I worked on the beauty counters I got asked TWICE when I was due I know how you feel, everyone’s who has had kids around Beth’s age is now trying or expecting, our plans are on hold due to moving home etc. It took a year and a half to conceive Beth and I know I’m not getting younger so it’ll be harder. I’m going to enjoy my time with my mini me and getting our house into a home.
Oh bless you! As soon as I read the title of this post I sympathised with you because truth is I’m actually just fat! All my weight piles to my stomach and being big makes it hard to hide. It’s horrible to receive comments and I’m sending you virtual strength to get through it, I hope you get blessed again soon 🙂 xx
On the one hand it’s incredibly rude for anyone to comment on your shape – whether with good or bad intentions. On the other, i hope you manage to feel better in yourself soon. I certainly don’t think you’re fat x
I had a long hard 3 years trying to get pregnant but have now my gorgeous little man. It was hard though when I was constantly having so called helpful comments like “try not to think about it” It’s all you can think about! I wish you lots of luck! Hoping having a brother or sister in future for him won’t be as difficult