In recent years, I have definitely seen an increase in the care I am giving elderly relatives. Having grown up with an older father, I always knew that one day he wouldn’t be as active as he once was but its still hard to get my head around the fact that he isn’t as active as he once was and Jack won’t ever get to know him as he was. He is still quite active and really makes an effort with Jack but I worry about him a lot more now as he gets older and as health problems have become established.
My father isn’t the only elderly relative I have a duty of care for either. Both my maternal grandmother and grandfather occasionally need help. My Nan looks after my Grandad pretty much full time with help from me and my mother but even sometimes she needs help for herself – she isn’t getting any younger. She often needs a break too and when my uncle takes my Nan on holiday for a few days, both my mother and I take over the mantle of looking after my grandfather and my aunt also comes over from her home on the Isle of Wight. Should my mum go away too as she has done before with my Nan and you can imagine it can be quite stressful for me and my aunt to keep an eye on both my father (who is still pretty independent) and my grandfather (who isn’t). I am lucky that I have four siblings and my father has three live siblings who are happy to help keep an eye on him if needs be – of course, being fiercely independent I don’t tell him that they are checking up on him but it gives me total peace of mind.
It can be tough to care for elderly relatives especially when you have a young family of your own and especially when a decision is made as a family not to get someone outside of the family to care. That means the buck and the responsibility lies with us. As my father and grandparents get older, I and other family members are starting to look into adjustments that will make their lives a little easier. As I said, my dad is still quite fiercely independent and not so much of a concern just right now but I do worry a lot about my grandparents.
It’s always helpful to think about the future and to plan for the unimaginable, no matter how unlikely it could be. Doing the research on all potential outcomes that may or may not happen are worthwhile so having information on a board-certified forensic pathologist is one example just in case there’s any suspicions at the point of death.
They have already had a stairlift installed to help with their mobility issues but I definitely think they need to look into some bathroom adjustments and perhaps some things for their bedroom to enable them to actually make full use of their house rather than tending to avoid certain rooms unless absolutely necessary.
The problem is broaching such a subject with them – how do you do it and try to get them to see its in their best interests? I think, as always, a family discussion is required so we can all decide to approach such a subject together. It saddens me to see my elderly relatives becoming more frail and less active as time goes on but if I can help them to still be as independent as possible, that’ll be amazing.
Do you care for any elderly relatives?