Finding It Tough

Time for a personal post today. I’ve been finding it tough recently, I am not going to lie. Work has been as hectic as ever yet I’m constantly chasing my tail; chasing invoices that are promised that aren’t delivered on time. Steve is currently off work sick so the work pressure is even greater; I’m needing to make sure I’ve got enough to cover his bills too if he can’t.

We’ve had a new sofa delivered and it has been stressful trying to declutter and get rid of stuff – trying to keep the sentimental stuff and get rid of all the crap. How do we end up with so much stuff? With everything Steve and sofa and declutter related going on, work has suffered so I’m constantly chasing my tail trying to catch up.

Olivia is feeding constantly at the moment – she seems to be going through a growth spurt! She’s generally a happy little miss but I’ve been feeling as if I have her constantly attached to me recently. I love breastfeeding and can do most things whilst she is feeding but it sure isn’t easy.

I’m finally starting to really come to terms with my Dad’s death from back in January. I haven’t shed many tears since the day he died except for his funeral; it still doesn’t seem real to me. I still try to call him to tell him about something Jack has achieved at school or something new that Olivia is doing. I still expect to see him sitting in the garden reading the newspaper when I go and visit my mum. I know he’s gone and it is finally starting to sink in a little more – I think before I was just in a post baby haze and with everything going on, I didn’t give my time to grieve properly. I keep finding myself getting teary and thinking about little things such as our last holiday together. I found a postcard and Jack’s last birthday card from both my mum and dad together at the weekend and it made me a little sad – all his postcards and birthday cards and Christmas cards from now on will only bear Nanny’s name.

I’m gutted that Olivia won’t get to meet her wonderful grandad. They only shared the same world for just over 24 hours before he passed away and he was so excited to meet her but ultimately never got the chance. It terrifies me that although Jack remembers things about my Dad now, he will forget them as he grows older. Steve’s mum passed away when he was 7 and his brother was 5 and he doesn’t remember too much – we are both worried that he won’t remember my Dad or Steve’s grandad very much, even though they were such big parts of our lives.

In comparison, my problems are superficial, they’re trivial, but I’m finding it tough right now. Tough to have motivation, tough to always be putting on a brave face, tough to keep this blog going sometimes. I don’t want to give it up – I’ve been blogging now for over six years and this was effectively my first ‘baby’. But sometimes recently it has been seeming like more of a chore than fun – and even though I know my blog forms part of my job and my income, I don’t want it to become like a chore, become tiresome.

I think I’m going to give myself some relaxation time – slip into the bath with a good book or curl up on the sofa and make my way through my extensive TBR pile. I think then I will start to feel some sense of normality again.

Has anyone else been feeling like this recently?

9 thoughts on “Finding It Tough

  1. I have been feeling like this lately. My father in law passed away at Easter then on the Tuesday we got an offer on our house. So life is crazy at the moment. The funeral was on Friday and my husband had still yet to grieve. He says he hasn’t got the time yet with all the house packing and his job. I do worry about him. I’m trying hard to catch up on the outstanding posts I have to do but what with working myself and packing in the evenings time is limited. They always say everything g comes at once!

    I hope it gets easier for you soon xx

  2. Oh do book yourself some me time. You’ve got so much going on that it’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed. I hope things brighten a bit soon.

  3. Oh love, no problem is trivial! There sounds like there is so much happening at the moment it’s not surprising you’re feeling snowed under. Enjoy some time for you, it’s so important x

  4. Oh bless you hun, sounds like things are all getting a bit much at the moment πŸ™ you need to give yourself some time for you – whether that’s having a long soak in the bath like you said, or going out for the day minus the little ones (I know it’ll be hard when you’re breast-feeding, but it is important to give yourself some “me” time). Things will improve, I promise xx

  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a parent, especially one you were close to. If you can, take some time out and have some “me’ time

  6. I’m so sorry to hear about your and that things are getting on top of you. Life is full of ups and downs but they always balance themselves. Maybe you need a short break from blogging as that will allow you to come back to it provided you want to hopefully a little more motivated.

  7. I am so sorry about your dad’s death. I can relate about not having a child of mine meet their grandparent. My husband’s dad died in Dec. 2015. Two days before his death we had our fourth child. He will never get to know my husband’s dad the way our older three kids have.
    As far as being busy, I’m also very busy too with school coming to a close, getting blogs written, etc. A previous commenter suggested time for you. I agree with that. Take a walk and clear your head. It may help you to focus better. Will be thinking of you!

  8. I know it might be hard to do but it sounds like you really could do with some me time. It will be easier to take care of others once you take care of yourself. Do something you love, something which will make you happy, even if it is only for a short time; it should give you a good boost, which will help on the long run.

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